Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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