Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
