The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
