so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize