it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
