Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
