Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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