I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I understand Curling. That high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
