Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
