Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
