Porn is love you can see.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
