Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
