my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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