For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
