We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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