So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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