party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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