What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I love you. Go after that dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
