It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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