Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
