oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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