In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
