Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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