last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
