I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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