drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
