She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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