hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize