Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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