Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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