I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
