I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize