Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize