I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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