Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
