Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
