Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
