god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
