I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont even know how to be here
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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