That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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