Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize