Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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