guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
