We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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