I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
