Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
