im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
