I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
