I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
