He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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