i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
