have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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