i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
