I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
