Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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