Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Im part way to drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
