I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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