you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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