he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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