Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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