My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
