Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
