everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
