say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
