You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
there is glitter all over my balls
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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