Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So. Much. Porn.
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