Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
