At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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