Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ugly people sure do ruin things
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
