Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
