Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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