there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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