We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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