she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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