you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she looked like the before picture.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
