She's JV to your varsity
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
