Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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