So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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