just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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